For a lot of parents, talking to school about dyslexia feels adversarial before anyone has even sat down. The research bears that out. In the Human Cost of Dyslexia survey (Ross and Hicks, 2019), which I analysed, 74 per cent of parents felt anxious in their dealings with school, 55 per cent felt unable to communicate effectively, and 82 per cent said they sometimes felt angry with it.
I’ve been a teacher, a SENCo, a researcher and a parent, so I’ve stood on more than one side of that table. This article is about how to make those conversations work, and how to keep them from curdling into the “battle” so many families describe.
First, a reframe about teachers
It’s tempting, when you’re worried and tired, to see the school as the obstacle. Sometimes a particular interaction genuinely is unfair. But in my experience, and in my research on teachers’ agency (Ross, 2017), most teachers want your child to thrive. What they’re up against is a constant balancing of competing demands on their time, their training and their resources. As I put it when I wrote about this survey for SEN Magazine, the sense that a school isn’t doing enough is rarely a reflection of any lack of compassion among staff.
That matters, because how you walk into the conversation shapes how it goes. If you arrive braced for a fight, you often get one. If you arrive assuming a shared goal, you’re far more likely to build one. The aim, in a phrase I use a lot, is for everyone to be pulling in the same direction for your child.
Start early, and start with a meeting
Don’t wait for things to reach crisis point. The British Dyslexia Association’s advice, which I gave in their Guide to Dyslexia for Parents (Ross, 2021), is to be proactive: if you suspect your child is dyslexic, ask for a meeting with the relevant teacher, and particularly the SENCo or head teacher. Then schedule regular follow-ups rather than leaving it to chance.
An early, calm meeting does something powerful. It defuses tension before it builds, and it signals that you want to work with the school, not against it. Schools that meet parents early, before problems harden, usually find those parents become a help rather than a hindrance. That’s better for staff, and much better for your child.
Be specific, and come prepared
Vague worry is hard for a busy school to act on. Specific, concrete information is easy.
Before a meeting, jot down what you’re actually seeing: homework that takes hours, a child in tears over reading, spelling that isn’t improving, a growing reluctance to go in. Bring any assessment report you have (and if you’ve just had one, my guide to what to do with a dyslexia report will help you use it well). Ask clear questions and note the answers down.
Three questions are worth asking at almost every meeting: What support will the school put in place? How can I complement that at home? And when will we meet to review how it’s going? That last one quietly builds accountability without any confrontation at all.
Understand what you’re each responsible for
One of the clearest findings from the survey was that parents want schools to take the lead on their child’s education, because teachers are the education experts, while also wanting to know how they can help. That’s a reasonable position, and naming it openly helps.
So it’s fair to expect the school to explain, honestly, what it will offer, how you can add to it at home, and how your child can make the most of the support available. When those roles are clear, there’s far less room for the resentment that grows in the gaps. When they’re murky, everyone ends up anxious.
Keep a record, and keep it civil
Write things down. A short, friendly email after a meeting (“thank you for your time today, just to confirm what we agreed…”) is worth its weight in gold. It keeps everyone clear on what was decided, it creates a gentle record, and it does so without hostility.
If you do hit a wall, stay calm and stay factual. You have rights, and the views of parents and young people are meant to be central to SEND provision under the law. Knowing that quietly, and referring to it without waving it like a weapon, tends to serve children far better than anger does, even when anger is entirely understandable.
When it’s still hard
Sometimes, despite everything, the partnership doesn’t come easily, and that isn’t a sign you’ve done it wrong. If you’d like help thinking through your particular situation, or an assessment that gives you and the school a clear, shared starting point, that’s exactly the kind of thing I do. You can read about assessments or book a free 20-minute call.
Two companion pieces may also help: one on the emotional side of supporting a dyslexic child, and one on the real cost of dyslexia to families.
Questions people often ask
Who should I ask to speak to at school? Start with your child’s class teacher or form tutor, and ask to involve the SENCo (Special Educational Needs Coordinator). For bigger concerns, the head teacher too. The SENCo is usually the key person for coordinating dyslexia support.
Do I need a diagnosis before the school will do anything? You shouldn’t, in principle. Good teaching supports the difficulty regardless of a label, and schools are expected to meet needs through quality teaching. In practice, an assessment often helps by giving everyone a clear, shared picture to work from.
The school says they can’t assess and I should pay privately. Is that right? Schools vary in what they can offer, and many are stretched. A private diagnostic assessment by a qualified assessor is one route, but do ask the school what support they can put in place now, with or without a formal diagnosis.
What if I’ve tried to work with them and it isn’t working? Stay calm, keep a written record, and lean on the fact that your views are meant to be central to your child’s provision. Bringing in an independent assessment or specialist can reset a stuck conversation. You’re welcome to get in touch to talk it through.
References and further reading
- Ross, H. and Hicks, J. (2019) Managing Dyslexia as a Family, in The Human Cost of Dyslexia (APPG for Dyslexia and other SpLDs). Read the report
- Ross, H. (2019) Supporting a child with dyslexia: how parents/carers engage with school-based support for their children, British Journal of Special Education, 46(2), 136-157. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8578.12254
- Ross, H. (2017) An exploration of teachers’ agency and social relationships within dyslexia-support provision in an English secondary school, British Journal of Special Education, 44(2), 186-202. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8578.12174
- Ross, H. (2021) Working with your child’s school, invited chapter in the British Dyslexia Association Guide to Dyslexia for Parents. See the full list of publications.