When I researched what it’s like to parent a dyslexic child, one word came up again and again. Battle. Parents used it to describe getting their child assessed, getting the school to listen, getting the support their child was entitled to, and holding their child together through all of it. I used it as the title of a book chapter, “It’s a Battle!” (Ross, 2021), because it was the truest word for what families told me.
If that’s how it feels for you right now, I want to start by saying something plainly. You are not imagining it, you are not overreacting, and you are not failing your child. The difficulty is real, and so is the toll it takes on the people who love a dyslexic child. This piece is about that experience, and about what helps.
The part nobody warns you about
Most conversations about dyslexia focus on the child’s reading. Far fewer focus on what it does to a family, and that’s the part I’ve spent years researching.
In the Human Cost of Dyslexia survey (Ross and Hicks, 2019), which I analysed for the All-Party Parliamentary Group, more than 1,300 families told us how it really was. Ninety-five per cent worried about what the future held for their child. Seventy-seven per cent felt exhausted by dealing with their child’s dyslexia. Many described guilt: worrying about what others thought, or wishing their child didn’t have to carry this at all. Some spoke of the strain on the whole household, with siblings noticing that one child seemed to need so much more time and money, and relationships stretched thin as a result.
I share those numbers not to add to the worry, but to say clearly: if you feel stretched, you are in very good company, and the reasons are structural, not personal. The strain comes from a system that too often leaves families to carry what schools and services should be sharing.
What it’s doing to your child, and why the story matters
The survey also asked about the children themselves, and those findings are the ones I sit with most. Eighty-eight per cent of parents said their child had poor self-esteem because of their dyslexia. Eighty-four per cent said their child experienced anxiety linked to it. Eighty-two per cent said their child tried to hide their difficulties.
That last one tells you something important. A child who hides is a child who has decided their difficulty is something to be ashamed of. And this is exactly where parents have more power than they realise, because a huge amount depends on the story a child tells themselves about their dyslexia.
In my study of young people’s own experiences, “I’m Dyslexic but What Does That Even Mean?” (Ross, 2021), how a young person understood their dyslexia shaped how they engaged with everything and everyone around them. And in my research with parents, Supporting a child with dyslexia (Ross, 2019), the families who did best were the ones who came to understand dyslexia as a genuine difference in how their child’s brain works, rather than a deficit or a failing. That understanding let them hand their child a different story: not “you can’t”, but “your brain does this differently, and we can work with that”.
You can’t remove the difficulty. But you can make sure your child never believes it means they’re stupid. That is one of the most protective things a parent can do, and I’ve written more about the link between dyslexia and wellbeing in this companion article.
What actually helps at home
A few things I come back to with families, over and over.
Get the language right, early. Talk about dyslexia openly and matter-of-factly, the way you’d talk about needing glasses. Secrecy teaches shame.
Protect what your child is good at. Dyslexic children are often quick, creative, funny, brilliant with their hands or with ideas. Make sure school and homework aren’t the only places they get to feel competent. A child needs somewhere they shine.
Don’t try to be the teacher. Plenty of parents end up doing hours of extra work at the kitchen table, often to the point of exhaustion and tension. Your most important job isn’t to teach reading. It’s to keep your child’s confidence and your relationship with them intact. Those are harder to rebuild than a reading age.
Look after yourself too. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and the research is clear that parents of dyslexic children are running low. Accept help. Lower the bar on the things that don’t matter. This is a marathon.
You are not alone in this
The reason I do the work I do, and the reason I researched families in the first place, is that no parent should have to fight this on their own or work it all out from scratch. If you’d like to understand your child’s profile properly, an assessment is often the thing that turns a vague, worrying picture into a clear plan. And if the “battle” you’re facing is with your child’s school, I’ve written a practical guide to working with the school without it becoming a fight.
Whatever stage you’re at, you can book a free 20-minute call and talk it through with someone who understands both the research and the reality.
Questions people often ask
Is it normal to find this so hard emotionally? Yes. The research shows the overwhelming majority of parents feel worried, and many feel exhausted and guilty. Those feelings are a sane response to a genuinely hard situation, not a sign you’re doing anything wrong.
My child says they’re stupid. What do I do? Take it seriously, and gently and repeatedly offer a different story: their brain works differently, lots of clever people are dyslexic, and this is something you’ll tackle together. If low mood or anxiety is persistent, do speak to your GP, and see my article on dyslexia and mental health.
Should I tell my child they’re dyslexic? In my experience, open and age-appropriate honesty helps far more than it harms. Children usually already know they’re finding something hard. A name and an explanation often come as a relief.
I’m exhausted from doing schoolwork at home every night. Is that necessary? Often it isn’t, at least not to that degree. Your relationship and your child’s confidence matter more than any single piece of homework. It’s worth talking to the school about what’s reasonable, and about what they should be providing.
References and further reading
- Ross, H. (2021) “It’s a Battle!”: Parenting and Supporting a Child with Dyslexia, in Dyslexia. https://doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.93948
- Ross, H. (2021) ‘I’m Dyslexic but What Does That Even Mean?’, Scandinavian Journal of Disability Research, 23(1), 284-294. https://doi.org/10.16993/sjdr.782
- Ross, H. (2019) Supporting a child with dyslexia: how parents/carers engage with school-based support for their children, British Journal of Special Education, 46(2), 136-157. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8578.12254
- Ross, H. and Hicks, J. (2019) Managing Dyslexia as a Family, in The Human Cost of Dyslexia (APPG for Dyslexia and other SpLDs). Read the report
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